Why I Won't Text and Drive

I am not afraid of the crap they say might happen if I text my BFF while driving. Even though there are grisly images floating around the world wide web. I'm not worried that Officer's Neil and Bob might catch me and give me a hefty fine. My wallet would survive alright. I'm not worried that I might accidentally send a salacious come on to my boss. (He'd just chuckle anyway). The truth of the matter is this. I don't want to be the Douchie VanBagster that gets in the way!